The Emotional Vampire - Part 3

It's been a very long time, but let's finish the saga...

Those of you who were in attendance at the wedding know that it went off without a hitch.  There were some behind-the-scenes emergencies (like my first flower bouquet that committed botanical suicide) but I reveled in my day with my psychic/energetic shield in place to reflect the Emotional Vampire's emotional sabotage.

Afterwards, the euphoria of relief and relaxation took over as it was finally over. The big day had come and gone... Will and I were finally free to live our life again without it looming huge and important in front of us.  We took a mini-moon and escaped the world while we patiently waited for hurricane season to pass before going to the Bahamas at a later date - it felt glorious to take some time and get back to a state of normalcy.  No more planning or preparations.  It was awesome.

Soon after the mini-moon, October had arrived and I was becoming increasingly dissatisfied with my boss at work (see previous blog posts: Dear Department, Part I; The Perfect Dozen). I also realized that I couldn't continue my life in that fashion.  I was surrounded by negativity, I never saw my good friends for long enough or often enough but I was routinely subjected to the EV's draining negativity.  It was ceaseless and had long crossed all sensible barriers of courtesy and consideration.

In fact, in a forgotten episode of the EV drama - she had come over to visit me shortly after my jaw was unwired... or maybe it was still wired... after my mandibular osteotomy.  Even at that time she managed to spend over an hour sobbing on my couch about her insanely dissatisfying romantic relationship.  I could only respond with mumbles and scribbling on a notepad with a sharpie... I was tired, I was in pain, I was hungry and slowly recovering...

Why would she lament at a person who can only respond by scribbling on a notepad with a Sharpie??

That may have seemed like a worthwhile question at some point in my life... but as my therapist, Dr. Gene, had said: "Why ask a question you'll never find the answer to and, even if you did find the answer, does not matter?"  He is a very wise man and I am a better person because of him.

PART THREE

I was relieved to have completed the final obligation.  Yes, having her in my wedding was my obligation to her.  I began to execute a slow plan to gently phase The EV out of my life.  She freaked the *eff* out and launched into an outrageous public tail-spin.  Fail.  I had the opportunity to come clean... and, again, I wussed out.

However, unknown to her, she put the last nail in that coffin herself.  For anyone who had ever ended a friendship/relationship with anyone... there is a singular moment of razor sharp clarity in your mind when there is complete silence in your mind and the decision is made.  And there is nothing that can be said or done following that pin-drop moment that can change your mind.  In the awkward wake of her catastrophic public meltdown (where I could see the guy behind her actively trying not to laugh-out-loud) there was an excruciating lull of impotent small talk.  In response to my palpable disinterest in her update on her "best friend's" baby she said, "You hate kids but for some reason you looOooove ******'s baby.  I don't even know why.  Are you going to love my kids?"

No.
No, I'm not.
NO, because my affections cannot be manipulated by guilt or demands.
NO, because I don't like you.
NO, because we will not know each other when these theoretical children arrive.

A major development in The EV's life arose and I had a chance to make my position clear and, yet again, I wussed out.  I even sought the professional advice of my therapist on how to make it plain what my intentions and feelings are - but my courage failed and it prolonged the problem.  I should've said something to the effect of: I am trying my best not to know you anymore, therefore, I would not like to be any further involved in your life... but I just used moving to Las Vegas as my excuse.

Since I missed the chance to be flatly honest, I had to redeem myself with the fallout that would ensue.  In true Emotional Vampire fashion, she lashed out with a vengeance - over text message and email.  It was angry, it was accusatory, it called out my lame excuse for what it was - a lame excuse.

At that moment, I had a choice.  I could've retaliated with a slew of messages that pointed out her every offense and my every self-righteous reason to kick her to the curb and not be any part of the hot mess in store for the future.  To devastate her with daggered opines of her relationship, her life... her as a person.  But!  That would've just been a replay of the same exact crap from our first fallout years and years ago.  It would've dragged on and on... and who does that hurt in the end?  Myself.  I would've been in emotional turmoil for days or weeks and then at the end I would've just been stuck being "friends" with The EV, again.

So, I sat down and worked through it with pen and paper:

• Anger is seductive.
• In this situation now: is it more important to be right or to keep harmonious peace?

5 Guarantees
1) I cannot control what The EV chooses to think: I am selfish w. a lame excuse.
2) I cannot control what The EV chooses to feel: extremely hurt, offended, & entitled.
3) I cannot control what The EV chooses to do: make me aware of my offenses... OR how The EV chooses to do it: by making me feel guilty/ashamed and telling everybody.
4) If I choose to do (or think I can change) any of the 1st 3 Guarantees...
5) I will feel: inadequate, frustrated, angry, and depressed.

What I Do Have Control Over
a) What I think: she's stupid & self-serving.
b) What I feel: annoyed she's trying to draw me into the drama.
c) What I do: stay firm
d) How I choose to respond/react to what The EV does: stay calm & rational, don't get seduced (by anger)!

5 Questions
1) What do I feel about this situation? See above.
2) What do I want in this situation? Not to be involved/obligated in ANY aspect of her life.
3) What do I need in this situation? For the drama to end here.
4) What am I responsible for/control in this situation? How I react, my emotions, my commitment.
5) What do I need to do to take care of myself? Acknowledge it was the right decision. Let go of my desire to be right. Not to unleash my fury & try to hurt her to get petty revenge.

So... I stayed neutral.  I fed her no energy.  I remained polite.  I held firm.  And, eventually, it worked.  She stopped contacting me altogether.

I felt it was important to dig out the above entries in my therapy journal because... this stuff is hard!  We all have certain Emotional Vampires in our life that come in all forms and, sometimes, we have to actively get rid of them by psychically shouting: GO AWAY!  I met up with an old friend this past weekend and we both shared how liberating it was to remove bad people in our lives, to move on, and to evolve.  To open up room for more worthwhile people.

I love my friends and would happily share their hardships and burdens in life.  Friends should be there to lend each other strength and lift the other person up when they can't do it themselves.  The friendship itself should never be the burden.  I am happy with all my friendships and relationships in this part of my life's journey.

Are you? :)

The Emotional Vampire - Part 2

In the last installment, my inexperience in how to cut the proverbial cord really served as a disservice to myself.  The signs were all there and my resolve had been momentarily strong - I shelled out like $300 bucks for an impromptu one way ticket home!  POW!

Alas!  The naiveté of youth invariably diminishes the warnings of danger and turns us into warriors with a cause.  Challenges to our egos must be met with fervent rebuttals!  Affronts to our sensibilities must be countered with courageous admissions of equal and opposite effrontery!  Hear me roar!!!!

I foolhardily dove headlong into the back-and-forth rally of explanations and examples to quantify and justify the multitude of negative and confusing feelings I had at that time.  Back then, it was important... no... NECESSARY to "be right."  I had to substantiate how ridiculous, absurd, and offensive the EV was being.  I had to prooooove that the EV was selfish, rude, and obnoxious.

In hindsight, it's because I wanted to make sure the EV and everyone else who heard the second-hand story would know the problem wasn't me.  Why?  Most of us care so much about how we are perceived by others that we go to great lengths to preserve our social image.  We don't want to be seen as people who just arbitrarily quit friendships without a litany of adequate reasons.  (Hellooooo, we're not MEAN, duh!)  We beat around the bush and load up on long lists of every little thing wrong with the other person ever and why they are unbearable to be around - just so we could never be thought of as a mean person, an unreasonable person, a bitch.

Sometimes... most times, actually... it is sufficient to simply admit it sucks being around a certain someone.  It doesn't feel good.  It's actively unpleasant.  The presence of this other person is not enjoyable.  Whether it's a relationship, friendship, or acquaintanceship - it's OK to just simply say to yourself: "It's not me. It's them."

Unfortunately, that was one lengthy life lesson that took quite a few years to learn.  Not just with this one Emotional Vampire but with the huge cast of equally as menacing characters who paraded through the past decade of my life.  The temptation to explain and retort was always irresistible.  The urge to "be right" was always just too strong.  *sigh*

It's understandable... annoying... but understandable.  I forgive you, younger me.

PART TWO

That same year I experienced a big milestone - engagement.  I waited and held off breaking the news until it could not
be avoided anymore... only because I knew the EV expected a position in my wedding, as was repeated to me over and over again "you better thank you in your wedding speech."  The regret that I felt then would only be augmented by time.  The following years saw many changes in the course of my life... and the EV's presence is permanently inserted into all those moments - the way you're reminded of a pebble's presence with each step that you take.  Clearly ingrained in all of those memories are the vivid images of the forced, sad smiles lurking within the celebrations of my successes.  The feeble smile of someone who outwardly professed to be happy for you, but inwardly was calculating the disappointments of their own life.

Outside of the wedding machine, each conversation became more painful to participate in.  There came a distinct moment when I arrived at the realization that the EV only wanted to hear about the bad/negative/unhappy things.  Drama was like food.  Distress and lamentation were the slippery cocktails that eased the bolus down the insidious passage.

As my wedding date approached, I decided to make a last ditch effort to give this thing a final whirl.  I laid out the fact that our interactions were limited to meeting for dinner and listening to endless recapping of ALL of the gossip concerning ALL of the other people in the EV's life.  Even stuff that was in nooooo way related to annnnnnything or annnnnnnnyone!  We were not building a meaningful connection based on any kind of new experiences, mutual hobbies, or even any common ground.  It was getting so hard to pretend to be interested in blah blah blah's crazy relationship or so and so's weight issues or etc. etc. etc.'s offenses.  Throughout these drab meals where I would tune out and tune back in with innocuous generic responses and nodding - I had a running dialogue inside my head that sounded something like: I DON'T CARE!!!!!!

And I was getting so sick of the EV asking me questions about my wedding for the sake of gathering vital information for some future, not-yet-existent wedding.  And the eager gleam in those greedy eyes as the endless probing into problems continued for hours on end - to taste all the delicious morsels of each pitiful detail of things gone wrong... The EV actually smiles unconsciously as utterances of "that's so crazy!" or "I can't believe it!" or whatever else that sounds sympathetic, escape with delight.

Anyway, we went on a trip and it fell completely apart.  Not only was the EV truly a bore to be with, it was quite apparent that we no longer had anything in common.  And worse, an already deficient personality had deteriorated even further by this time, warped by the bitterness of time, disappointment, and stagnation.  It was grotesque beyond reconciliation.  It was awful.  Still worse, things came to a blow and if we had not arrived in one car and it was impossible for me to remove myself from the situation - I would've left.  In the same evening, I was frustrated and angered beyond the point of no return and unleashed my fury... albeit the message was unclear because I could not say: "I wish I could time travel and remove you from my life before I ever met you."  Once again, as my therapist has told me, I wussed out.


Since it was too late to do anything else, I bore through the awkwardly conflicting feelings of keeping the EV in my wedding and continued.  The EV was unreliable - constantly making suggestions with no follow through.  The big moment was no longer mine to savor. The EV's own agenda was projected onto my big day.  Strong attempts were made to manipulate the entire schedule around the EV's weight loss in the months before and even on the morning of for a special hair appointment.  When I put my foot down and advised that if a hair dye job, cut, dry, and up-do styling cannot be accomplished by 10am sharp, then alternative arrangements will have to be made to ensure a timely arrival.

She. Blew. Up.
Nuclear style.
Emotional Vampire style.

ANGER - How dare I lay this on her after she made plans!  NARCISSISM - She must have the freshest dyed hair possible for zero possibilities of any gray hairs to make their way into the wedding photos!  GUILT - She's already done so much and took pains to accommodate my agenda, how could I take away this one single thing she needed?!  RIGHTEOUSNESS - Why did she even need to be there anyway?? The makeup artist can just start on the other girls! Why does she need to be there to watch me, the bride, get ready... she saaaaaid she'll make it in time for the pictures already, geez!   DRAMA - It's SO UNFAIR!  I'm going back on my word, changing my mind!!  FINE.  But it's SO UNFAIR.

The EV was spiritually hi-jacking my wedding and self-elevating to bride status.  It was insane.  The situation was so dire that I had to book an emergency session with my energy healer to cut the cord on her negative, draining attention and put up a shield.  I am not joking.  It was expensive.

stay tuned...

Forever, Here We Come!

So... it certainly has been a long time. Obviously, there was my wonderful wedding... then the mini-moon (which turned out to be a staycation)... and, of course, the crash landing back into real life.

The wedding day was everything I imagined it would be... a crazy day that was an epic culmination of 17 months of planning, 2 families, 3 languages, 70 guests, 6 vendors, 2 makeup artists, 1 hairstylist... and a partridge in a pear tree.

FUN AFTER-THE-FACT: Most people never knew... but I had a flower bouquet CRISIS at 10pm on Wedding Eve in my hotel room. The bouquet committed flower suicide if I've ever seen one. Flowers snapped and voluntarily leapt to their doom. BiYing and I tried to Franken-flower the thing back together but to no avail. She witnessed me oscillate between despair and delirious amusement... until I just figured: I'm going to pay someone a lot of money to take care of this tomorrow.

The schedule took on a life of its own and there were many moments when I felt that I would be left behind by the machine that seemed to live and breathe on its own. At some point... I felt really annoyed and anxious because my makeup artist did not do a very good job budgeting her time and the minutes ticked by.... I had worked so hard to make sure everything was perfectly in place and now she was going to wreck everything! However, my hair stylist was truly a life-saver and pulled it all together in record time - I slipped on the dress and BAM!! I realized that the show really couldn't go on without me because I was the SHINING STAR at the very center of it.

FUN AFTER-THE-FACT: A few of you may remember Janet the photographer asking her husband-assistant "You haven't taken Groom/Groomsmen solo shots yet???" To which he cool-as-a-cucumber replied: Nope. Turns out... two of the Groomsmen decided to pick up their tuxedos the morning of the wedding. BAD idea. Men's Warehouse got the following incorrect: Shirt size, Tie/Vest color, and Pants Length. They were massively late, to say the least, and then Will's brother said, "Wait, you all have handkerchiefs?" This was when Will called Men's Warehouse and chewed out the store manager.... Store manager told Will he can come and pick up another one right away to which Will hot-as-a-habenero replied "I have a wedding in 2 hours, YOU CAN F*CKING DELIVER IT YOURSELF!!!"... Which he promptly did. And, very wisely, all the males kept this juicy story to themselves until 2 days after the wedding. (see... they learn!)
 
So, moving past the silent mini-crises... we were all able to meet for group photos before the ceremony and I'm pretty sure they will be amazing just due to the sheer complexity of the photography. Really, I have no idea how they think of some of those shots but I guess that's why they get paid the BIG bucks! ***Sorry! I only had a few sample pics as previews of my wedding portrait session - none of the ACTUAL wedding yet!*** My bridesmaids were the best help ever - everything and anything I needed... I asked and instantly received! =P

I truly believe the most special part (besides the marriage, that's a given) was sharing the joy, love, and elation with my parents. My mom looked so beautiful and it reminded me of my early childhood in Hong Kong when I would watch her do her hair and get dressed up and think she was the most beautiful person in the whole entire world. And right before the ceremony, I was just standing in the back hallway alone with my dad... and he told me how happy he was. We talked about the time when I was just 3 or 4 years old and he was the pianist for a wedding. Nobody could watch me so he brought me along and I sat next to him on the piano bench inside the church as he played the Wedding March.

Then came the ceremony and then the whole thing really became a blur. I remember being terrified as I walked down the aisle... I've walked through crowded rooms before and I've been presented awards, etc.... but nothing comes close to the INTENSITY of a gathering of people, standing, waaaaaaatching you. It was like I could FEEL their attention. It was slightly overwhelming... and when I was holding Will's hand I remember thinking *wow, I should really stop trembling before people think I have a neurological condition.*

Luckily, things loosened up quite a bit with the light-hearted ceremony that the officiant had written. I remember thinking *Wow, this man is hilarious! So worth that ridiculous travel fee he charged us!* I also remember being dumbfounded as to why no one had the insight to turn off the fireplace! It was like 106 degrees standing in front of that thing and I remember thinking *omg, half my face is going to run...* Critical thinking people!! But the words were lovely and the vows were touching. It was over before I knew it and Will was pulling me in for the double kiss... which I didn't even remember - I only know this thanks to Jennifer's video! hee hee

FUN AFTER-THE-FACT: The 15+ layers of Tulle/Satin/Petticoat very effectively trapped all the heat blazing off the fireplace during the entire ceremony. All I wanted to do was disappear into an empty room and raise all the skirts up over my head and fan it all out *attractive*... but my entire family and the wedding party were all in the boardroom... and I had a mini-meltdown. Fortunately, the collateral damage was minimal and everyone was very understanding. Lesson: should have brought a fan to put under my dress in between events/photo sessions.

I missed the cocktail hour because I was freshening up... it took 2 people to help me pee (it was just like in that move 27 Dresses!) and we took more photos... I'm waiting for the pictures to see what it looked like. But I've heard rave reviews...! Everyone said the hors d'oeuvres were excellent and it was very pretty. At one point I was walking across the lobby really fast and caught something out of the corner of my eye and shouted "DID I JUST SEE A GUY WITHOUT A SHIRT ON???" Yes, I guess I kind of missed the part in the contract where they said the Pool Deck would not be closed off to guests... oh well, as long as they didn't eat anything or mooch off my food... live and let live!

The DJ cut off our First Dance Song very early... and I didn't get to show off my fancy moves *Refer to August 2012 Post: Drop It Like It's Hot* but I guess that's ok! We never practiced the dance with my dress on.. so Will was really afraid of stepping on my skirt the whole time... which is why he was bent over with his butt sticking out like the first 30 seconds of the song... so does the Mean Foreign Lady from the dance studio get the last laugh here??? Nahhhh... I do. Because I laugh louder.

FUN AFTER-THE-FACT: The food was awesome like I knew it would be from the tasting session... I only wish I ate more of it! Apparently, when you sit you kind of compress downwards and squish outwards. And when you're wearing a very tight corset... it acts like a Chinese finger trap. At one point I was taking very shallow breaths and was afraid I would faint. LoL. I looked beautiful though... all worth it!

I wish I had more time to spend with my friends. You know, just catch up and goof around... basically stuff I like to do AT weddings. Hahaha... it's so much different when it's YOUR wedding. I was pulled in a hundred directions and never seemed to find enough time to chat for more than a few seconds or minutes with basically all my favorite people who were all present!

I didn't even see Will all that much after dinner... hehehe, but he had a fantastic time and it felt great to see him so happy. See... I'm becoming more wifely by the day! We spent our Staycation just reminiscing about the highlights and blunders... laughed about the hilarious moments and relived the beautiful ones. We were both too exhausted to go to Las Vegas after the wedding so we stayed in San Diego. We ate our favorite foods and went on some new adventures!
 
Someone asked me if I could do it all over again, would I do it all over again... I've thought long and hard about it and the answer is: irrevocably and unconditionally - YES. I would do it all over again exactly the same! I never understood the magic of a fancy pants wedding, that getting married in a courtroom should be the same... But I don't think that anymore because it's been almost a month and I'm still sooooooo happy! I still get excited when I think about my gorgeous cupcake tower that was more beautiful than I ever thought it could be (I asked for seashells and sand and there it was like x1000!) I still bring out my cake cutting set once in a while just to marvel at how beautiful it is and how heavy it feels in my hand. I watch the video ALL the time... My parents are still buzzing to all their friends & our relatives about the whole affair.

I was also asked if I regretted anything. I don't regret anything... nothing. nada. zilch.

And the greatest thing of all is that this is the beginning of our Forever. Of all the adventures, trips, outings, crazy bar nights, holidays, family gatherings, escrow, trials & tribulations that Will and I have weathered together... this was singularly the most important and demanding event in our relationship, our life. It really took everything we both individually could offer - body, mind, and spirit - to have made this thing happen. It really showed us that we're capable of creating something very special and bring our family and friends together to witness our promise and commitment to always love each other. It was magical and now I have that knowledge and feeling of faith and security to use as a template for everything that may come our way. That's pretty special!

Forever, here we come!

Thank you, Bridesmaids!

So, Bridesmaids are wonderful people and they make wedding-life happier and easier!

I would like to take this moment to thank all of them for their tremendous hard work, support, and encouragement through this entire process.

Here are the gifts that I have chosen as tokens of my appreciation. Each bridesmaid got their own Swarovski crystal starfish hairpin to wear for the big day!

Jackie is my Matron-of-Honor (she's not a maid being already married & a *hot* mama) and she has been the BIGGEST help through all of this since she has experience and could give me the most advice, help, and guidance. I chose this box because it was so elegant and sturdy - if you know her, you will know that she is naturally beautiful and graceful... and ALWAYS there when you need a friend. Her pin is a turquoise/teal color - quite against my sensitivities - to highlight the fact that we have completely opposite tastes when it comes to color palettes!! But thanks to her, no one has to suffer through a *fiery sunset volcanic orange* wedding...
BiYing was a superstar because during the 17 months of planning she was hopping back and forth between California and Chicago - for school, interviews, personal stuff, family, and Me! She made a commitment to be there for me and I could not have been happier to have shared this awesome time of my life with anyone else! I chose baby blue because I know it's her favorite color and I chose this owl because it was hilarious looking. When I think of BiYing I just think of all our crazy college years together and the insane amount of laughter and inside jokes. There's a joke inside this owl...

Lastly, Mariah was the only one of my bridesmaids who actually lives in San Diego, making her the most accessible on the fly. She was always willing to lend a helping hand when I needed opinions on dress colors or find out information on possible event venues - she even scouted out the Omni with me when there was like a private even happening... how awkward! So, thanks for braving through the whole ordeal - we made it to the end! I chose pink - and if you knew her, I wouldn't have to explain! =)

In closing, I would like to express my deep gratitude for the crazy amount of help and for throwing me the best parties of my entire life! I will never forget this incredible milestone and you made it happen!!

I will see you in the morning and then it's down the aisle! Goodnight!!

LateSummer Night's Dream

I have always been a vivid dreamer.  Most of the time they're really fun and I genuinely do get to fulfill my daytime fantasies.  For example, I have been to a neighborhood BBQ with Brad & Angelina because they lived in the condo above me, I have partied hardy with Ashton Kutcher in a city I can only assume was NYC, and I once held hands with, and possibly kissed, Harvey from Sabrina the Teenage Witch (back in the 90's, of course)... anyone still remember his name?

However, lately my dreams have been dominated by the anxiety-ridden motif of Wedding Day Blunders.  I have dreamt that my makeup and hairstylist both were no shows, the photographer missed practically the entire wedding, and the seashell place card holders were spilling uncontrollably out of their container with each step that I took.

I know they are wedding jitters and I have been assured by recently married brides and even moms of brides that they all had these same exact dreams and felt the same exact anxiety... but it still sucks to wake up feeling worried, frazzled, and more tired than you did when you went to bed!

But in the spirit of ill-fashioned dreams... I decided to include a short excerpt from another one of my literary projects.  This is an actual account of one of my dreams back when I was still working at the Medical Examiner's Office.  I guess I'm just one of those people who can't shut their brains off... but at least things are getting sorted out by my subconscious while I sleep... I just have a very loud and theatrical subconscious.  Figures.

This one was truly a masterpiece because it exhumed buried Zero Period Band Practice anxiety from over 10 years ago!!!  I wonder what I will uncover next...

Goodnight, world.  Sweet dreams! =)

            The sky was nowhere in sight as the sunrise lost the battle against the thick veil of fog.  I rode over the bumpy field, steadily passing the evenly spaced white lines.  The quad jerked and twisted against the uneven terrain.  Two platform trailers rattled angrily behind, threatening to throw off its cargo.  An array of percussive instruments somehow remained on board and tightly packed together.   Quite a curious accomplishment since they were not held down by any anchors.  The instruments themselves remained unerringly silent, as though they refused to acknowledge this undignified journey. 

                I didn’t need to check my watch to know I had about two minutes before I absolutely needed to get the trailers perfectly lined up at the front of the field, straddling the center line.  Six forty, six forty, six forty.  Must be on the field and ready to go by six forty.  Otherwise, Mr. J would make everyone desperately aware of his displeasure.  Six thirty-nine… crap.

           I whizzed by something small and dark on the ground.  The misty air was just saturated enough to make me quickly lose whatever sight I had of it.  Something triggered me to squeeze the brakes and the trailers all but crumpled into each other.  I swung myself cleanly off the seat in one swift movement.  I couldn’t spare a moment’s worth of concern for the wreckage of chimes, broken drumheads, and assorted mallets.  My attention was completely focused on the curious object that laid only feet from my, well, feet.

            A few sure steps brought me close enough to bend over and pick it up.  It was about the size of a honeydew melon but more elongated.  Densely weighted for something its size, almost like a medicine ball.  I rubbed it and the prickly fuzz felt good against my palms.  I looked down at the thing and sudden recognition struck me as I turned it over. 

            I intuitively knew what it was even before I saw the distinct profile.  Two dark ridges overhung the softly protected mounds resting on either side of the pronounced ridge.  An apex, a sharp cliff, and then the slight opening, held drily ajar, exposing the deep cavern.

            A human head.

            I needed to find some sort of refrigeration for the mystery head before anything else could be done about finding the rest of its owner.  I hadn’t noticed that I was walking during the whole discovery process and looked up to find myself at the doorway of an administrative building.

        The lobby was dimly illuminated by the grim light of the gray morning.  Ambient sounds of breaking ocean waves wafted through the hallways as I walked past empty offices toward the employee break room.  I held the cranium against my side like some sort of athlete sauntering off the court after a pretty good game.

            I found the break room but the door was locked.  I could see a few people milling about through the floor to ceiling glass panel next to the door.  They were holding coffee mugs in their hands and were laughing at each other's remarks.  I despised their mindless gaiety while I remained stuck outside the door holding a head, a fairly heavy one at that, while being pummeled by soothing ocean sounds.

            They ignored my knocks.  In fact, they seemed steadfastly oblivious of my existence and the human head I was waving at them.  I tried to call out to them but my voice was drowned by the crashing waves and screaming seagulls.

            The absurdity of the whole situation was overwhelming.  I turned around to leave and everything turned black.

             Simultaneously, I woke up.

(Note: the ocean waves... is my sound machine alarm clock)

Bling!

The wedding frenzy has slowed down a bit since everything has pretty much been squared away... there was a miniature crisis with the make-up artist and I surely will be blogging about that mishap as soon as time permits.

Now I get to finally sit back and enjoy the many rewards of this whole occasion - aside from the whole happily ever after marriage part, of course - but we haven't gotten to that part just yet!

I've gotten some fantastic bling! from friends and family and I really just want to show them all off... I kind of have this squirrel-syndrome where I am very attracted to shiny, sparkly things and I like to hoard them away and bring them out once in a while and just marvel at them and pet them.  Which is why I can't watch ANY of the Ice Age movies because I am literally in agony watching the poor prehistoric squirrel lose all his acorns ALL THE TIME!!  It's so unfair!!!!!

My preciouuuuus.... creepy moment, sorry!

I picked out the wedding veil and necklace and my mommy bought them for me.  I loved them at first sight because they matched my dress so perfectly and because they SPARKLED with crystals!  The veil is elbow length and rounded along the bottom with hand-sewn crystals all along the edges reinforced with glue.  The necklace is a gorgeous pearl and crystal creation with a unique and dazzling designer clasp that also doubles as a vintage-style pendant.  It's from the Summer Ball collection and each necklace is made by hand after purchase by Justine M Couture and can be customized to your specific details, so it really is one-of-a-kind!!!

If you have a keen eye, you may have noticed that there are two amazing pieces of jewelry in the picture next to us.  Well, that is because my MOHizzle extraordinaire had the incredible foresight and generosity to purchase the matching bracelet for me as the Best Birthday Present EVER!  Shout out to her lovely sis Jennifer as well for being a part of this incredible gift!  And, of course, to Mr. Khoa Ngo as well... because well, what's his is Jackie's... and what's his is Jackie's.  LoL.  Shhhh.... no one tell Will my marriage philosophies.

Next, I have this unbelievable display of craftsmanship and thoughtfulness.

SIDENOTE: I think I can also apply as a writer for QVC, yeah?

Once again, Jackie tortured me for weeks over this surprise that she created herself.  It's a full set consisting of a super cool brawler style ring that goes over 2 fingers, a necklace with my name, and a bracelet also with my name spelled out.  I told her a loooooong time ago when I was obsessed with Sex and the City that I wanted a necklace with my name written on it.  And then a few years back I went through this ghetto-fab phase and really wanted giant hoop earrings with my name inside them.  I didn't even remember I had these desires and she busted out with this ultra cool jewelry that she made herself!  She has a newborn... what the heck?!  I think she borrowed that secret necklace from Hermione Granger that gives her extra time.

Harry Potter & LOTR name-drops in one post... sho' nuff!!!


On a Vegas note... My friend & Bridesmaid Mariah got me a little necklace with a shot glass attached.  That little shot glass did me in... good times!  LoL.  She tried finding me a shirt or other kind of gear but they all said pretty vulgar things or like "Buy this b*tch a shot!" or "This b*tch is getting married!"  And it was very perceptive of her to figure out that I wasn't about to run around calling myself a b*tch... please, I have plenty of other people lined up for that job.  I was also fully decked out in the tiara and sash that my bridesmaids gave me for the bridal shower, so it was pretty hard to miss what I was.. although, I strangely still got some "Happy Birthdays!"  Those beads were courtesy of the Rio's Show in the Sky... where they threw down beads from the the floats in the sky... thanks to my super decked-out status, I got beads from every single float!!  No flashing required, stay in boobies!  =P

My  half-sister, Carol, sent me this beautiful heart necklace from Tiffany & Co.  I've never had any jewelry from them before, so it marks a first!  It's pretty awesome because up until 3 years ago, my sister and I had been complete strangers to one another.  I grew up with my mom and dad in America when she was already 18 years old and had her own life in Hong Kong.  Finally, 3 years ago, my mom approached me and asked me to connect with my sister and make friends with her.  It was shocking and weird at first... but she is a really nice person and has a great heart.  Even though we will probably never be as close as sisters who grew up together, I am hopeful that we can spend the rest of our lives building a friendship.

Lastly, and most dear to me, is the gift from my Mom & Grandma.  My mom sat me down this past weekend and pulled out this simple, elegant jade pendant from one of those little Chinese jewelry pouches.  I recognized it immediately because my mom used to wear it almost every day since I was a little girl.  That pendant originally belonged to my Grandma when my aunts and mom all bought it for her birthday before I was even born.  My mom was my Grandma's favorite daughter so she gave it to her to 'keep her safe.'  One day, my mom thought she lost it because her gold chain had broken while she was at the swap meet and she was devastated.  Later that evening, she found out that it was actually trapped inside her many layers of clothing.  Needless to say, she was super relieved but she never wore it again.  So, now, she is passing it onto me because I'm growing up and I'm about to start my own life in my own family... and it will keep me safe.  I treasure it the most above all things because I feel like I'm carrying my mom and my grandma with me close to my heart.

Drop it like it's hot...

Will and I had signed up for an introductory First Dance lesson so that we wouldn't just be weeble-wobbling around for several minutes to the boredom and snickering of many.  In terms of Good/Fair/Poor... the lesson was: FAIR.

It was great to learn good dancing posture / photo tips, advice on how to avoid tripping over the long skirt, and a couple fancy twirls, walks, and dips.  It was awful to be "instructed" by a Mean Foreign Lady for an hour. 

On Sunday, we returned for our second lesson and M.F. Lady was nowhere to be seen but there were a bunch of people dancing inside.  So we waited inside the air-conditioned studio for a bit until some girl rudely told us that they're only renting the studio for practice and don't run it.  I told her who we were waiting for and she said "I don't know who she is but there is nobody here to help you."  B*tch!!  We left and of course we receive an apologetic phone call from M.F. Lady several minutes later saying that she was "in the back making coffee."  Yeah, ok.  Whatever.

We dropped her like a hot potato and canceled the series (good thing we didn't have to pay up front) and decided to do the rest ourselves.  I burned a CD with the song looping 15 times and we choreographed the whole song in like 35 minutes.  So, we shall see how this do-it-yourself first dance will end up!

First Dance Song: The Way I Am, by Ingrid Michelson


TREASURES FROM EUROPE

On quite another note... my friend, Dawn, went on her annual European vacation and came back with goodies for me!

I asked for a Union Jack umbrella, but apparently they are much harder to come by than one might have thought.  hmmm...  So, she brought me this exquisite Bone China commemorative plate for the 100th anniversary of the Titanic!  I LOVE IT!  For those of you who may not know... I'm a little obsessed.

She also gave me this little guy from Prague - Czech him out!  He is a Golem from Jewish folklore.  He is made out of clay and if an intruder should come into my home while I sleep at night, he springs to life and pounds them to death with his giant fists.

In the event that you come to my home and find yourself being pummeled by a titanic (ha.ha.ha.) Golem, this is all you do.  Simply deactivate him by removing the aleph (א) in emet (Hebrew word etched into this chest), thus changing the inscription from 'truth' to 'death.'

Voila!!

Thank you for the unique cultural gifts, Dawn!  I shall treasure them and continue to ALWAYS find any excuse to initiate enthusiastic conversations about things that other people may not appreciate but will smile politely and nod as I steam roll them with my excitement!!

Buttocks!

$UKI DAY $PA
(will the $$ keep me from being sued for libel?)
I have a monthly membership at this little spa place a few blocks from my house.  The Boss Lady (owner? manager?) is so annoying. She pushes products and services like no tomorrow... to a point where it's insulting!  She keeps telling me I need to use a bleaching face cream to reduce my freckles because they are "sun damage" and "early aging."  I told her I don't mind my freckles and she said "You liiiiiiiiiiiiiiike them???!?!!!?!?"  Her tiny little asian eyes almost fell out of her face.  *grrrrrrrrr*

So, Minion Facial Girl is like hardcore trying to get me to buy special shampoo for asian hair... face cream... sunblock lotion... whatever.  She has also been pushing me to do the Vitamin B-12 Injection for at least 3 months now.  She was trying to work the weight loss angle but then really honed in on the fact that I have been feeling soooooo exhausted lately.  I politely declined and also kept to myself:  *well, if you would shut up and let me relax... I could be catching a catnap right now... INSTEAD, I am listening to a 50 minute product presentation while contemplating my chances of contracting Legionnaire's Disease from that grungy looking steamer that's blowing possibly deadly vapors onto my face*

I told her I didn't want to do it because it will hurt. She said it doesn't hurt.  I told her that I used to work at an animal hospital and the cats definitely thought the B-12 injections were highly uncomfortable.  She swears it doesn't hurt.  *back and forth, back and forth*

Long story short(er)... I'm lying there with a mud mask on my face and a happy, bouncy, old asian man walks in with his pleated trousers pulled up to his chest and thick spectacles over his nose - a capped syringe in one hand and a cotton ball in the other.  "Hi! I am Dr. Chan!! Don't worry... this will not hurt at all!! I've done it a thoooooousand tiiiiiiiiiimes!!"

It HURT!  He gave me a shot in my right buttocks and it was just as uncomfortable as I had imagined it to be.  I didn't want it... so I think psychologically that made it worse.  Later, I discovered that Dr. Chan is an "eye doctor" as Minion Facial Girl calls him.............. I am not suuuuuuuuuure what goes into the education of an Optometrist (I shall have to get my friend, Jennifer's, thoughts on this) but whatever medical school he attended - judging from the height of his belt and thickness of spectacles - it was at least 35 years ago.  What business does this man have sticking needles into people's buttocks!?!?!  And he does Botox injections too!

Oh.  At check-out... Boss Lady was trying to tell me what a great deal I got for the injection because they also put B-6 in there, blah blah.  I feel so violated!  And then she tried to sell me eyelash extensions - which I already bought a Groupon to do somewhere else - so then she tried to get me to do a chemical peel.  Um, no thank you, I like ALL the layers of my skin.

Since when was it ok for a spa to inject people with vitamins??  And I see these things being advertised at our local grocery store - Sprouts!  There's no regulation on this?  I know they say he's an "eye doctor" but I'm starting to feel like Dr. Chan might have the same credentials as Dr. Pepper!!! 

-_________-  FAIL

SHAKE WEIGHT!
On quite another note... I've been going to the gym whenever I have extra time after work to try and tone those arms before the wedding.  I realized that from the chest down I will look amazing because my dress & jewelry will steal the show... and from the neck up I have 2 professionals working on makeup and hair.  That leaves just my flabby arms...

You are the weakest link.  Goodbye.

Since, I am (as stated above) exhausted - and quite pressed for time nowadays - I have been just doing some exercises with light dumbbells.  No, not like: heh heh... I'm being modest "light" - I'm talking 3lbs.  Don't judge me!

My coworker sweeeeears the shake weight works.  So, I used my Bed, Bath & Beyond coupon and bought myself a shake weight.  It is every bit as silly and humiliating as one would think it is... but not NEARLY as degrading as the parodies make it seem.  Hilarious South Park video, courtesy of Nancy: http://www.noob.us/humor/south-park-shake-weight/

I will be sure to keep everyone updated... but I will most likely never upload a video of myself operating this thing... much to the disappointment of a few.  LoL

Knicks, Knacks, Knocks...

IVORY SILK ROSE PETALS: I am looking to sell these 1,998 (Bodhi destroyed 2) for $20!!

 

KNICKS
I have been busily crafting away for this wedding-o-mine.  I originally had my heart set on an artistically designed petal-path aisle runner.  It would have definitely NOT been a justifiable splurge at $150 + $150 delivery fee... it would have been nice for the photographs and the initial Oooo's and Ahhh's from all but in the end it would have been just a crazy mess of petals after I smeared it all around with my train.

So, I had sensibly opted for purchasing ivory silk rose petals online for $24 + s/h and would ask my coordinator to place 2 simple petal ribbons on either side of the aisle.  I had picked apart about 600 of the 2000 petals when we went for a final consultation with the catering manager at The Omni.  We revisited the 6th floor Palm Terrace and it was breeeeeezy!  I had to really rethink the petals idea because there is only a 1 hour turnaround time of the ceremony area while everyone is enjoying the cocktail hour on the adjoining Sail Deck.  The loose petals flying everywhere would certainly hinder the process.

So, I looked for alternative chair decorations to hang on the aisle chairs and flank the aisle so it wouldn't be so bare.  I came across a few Starfish chair decorations for $15 - $22 / item + s/h on sites like Etsy.  I just couldn't, in good conscience, pay someone such inflated amounts of money for items that I knew I could (with some creative mojo and elbow grease) theoretically make myself.



Hence, I purchased 25 yards of Tulle for $1.00, (10) dried sugar starfish for $10.65 + s/h, and a new hot glue gun for like $3.99.  And I don't think I did too shabby!  I also bought 1 bunch of fake Heather from Michael's for about $5.99, but I barely used 1/4 of it and can store it away for later crafting ideas... sound investment!  So, I made 10 chair decorations for about $25 - just about how much it would have cost me to buy ONE online!

I think that after the wedding I will start selling these wedding crafts for some side money because the profit margins are INSANE!

KNACKS
Next, I had to make "Identifiers" for the place cards to differentiate between Chicken, Salmon, and Vegetarian meals for each guest.  So far, Chicken = 60%,  Salmon = 37%,  and Vegetarian = 3%.  I found a small stamp kit of sea creatures at Michael's for about $4.00 and 3 purple inkpads for $1 each.  I will be printing the place cards once we have a final head count and I can finalize the seating arrangements and then each person will have one of these stamps next to their name.

TIME FOR THE KNOCKS
I found out that my Uncle Bob will not be attending because he can't fly long distance due to health issues.  My Aunt Rita, her husband, and my 2 cousins are not coming for health and miscellaneous/mystery reasons (??).  My Aunt Amy, her husband along with my Cousin Sam & his family are also not coming - apparently without reasons.  And my Cousin Willy may or may not be attending, depending on whether or not he will be laid off.

So, needless to say - I am bothered, annoyed, disappointed, angry, etc.  I guess I never really expected them to come in the first place.  I have not seen any of those people since I was about 10 years old anyway.  They've never been to any of my other life events - so why bother now?  It just super bugs because my mom made such a big deal over sending them their invitations according to proper Chinese traditional etiquette - and there was such family draaaaaaama about the whole thing.

Silver Lining: It cleared up some space and I get to invite a couple of friends who I will be very happy to see on the big day!!! YAY =)

Dresses and Blouses and Shoes, Oh My!

So, everyone thinks about the beaaaaaautiful wedding gown when they think about the bride... but no one knows all the hard work that goes into thinking about pre-wedding events outfits.  No one thinks about it because no one really cares... only the bride herself.  As with many other things wedding-related, I have found out.

I met with one of my bridesmaids, Mariah, at the mall to find her some white shoes... but instead... I found a cute little white dress and a sparkly top at Express!!  Teeheehee.  Now, the fact that the shirt looks longer than the dress is just an illusion because the dress is strapless, so shift it downwards like 6 to 8 inches.  I'm going to wear the sparkly sequence top with a pair of skinny black jeans and these black ankle boots with stiletto heels for Saturday night in Las Vegas!  And big hair.  MUST have big hair!

The white dress will be for Friday night Vegas festivities... which will include Fun, Food, and Flirt Lounge!  My Maid-of-Honor Extraordinaire, Jackie, promised me I will stand out in the crowd with bachelorette accessories!

I'm mostly very shy and withdraw from public attention - but I will make an exception this time.  =P

I was very sensible when it came to my shoe choice though: strappy gold glitter wedges with a low heel ratio.  The bottom is soft padded rubber with heavy duty traction.  Dude, I am a Vegas pro.  I know how to survive Day 1 to make it through Day 2.  Then I can walk around in flip flops and bandaids on Day 3 because I'll basically be trying to not succumb to the massive hangover until I make it onto the airplane.

Next, I have 2 choices for my bridal shower:
I have this super cute brilliant blue cocktail dress or a long, flowing floral dress.

Since I'm not sure what the theme is going to be for my shower, I am leaving it up to my amazing MOH to help me decide!  How very exciting!  I've never had anyone throw me a party before... so this is like the coolest thing ever!  The details are a surprise, so it's very fun to think about and just wonder!  It's even MORE fun because I don't have to plan anything. Wedding planning is a 2nd job.

In fact, now I understand why people pay wedding planners mucho moola to take care of everything.  And I understand how women turn into Bridezillas.  I have had a few close calls... I'll admit it.  I'm sorry, girl-who-sells-hair-accessories-at-the-cart-in-north-county-mall.  I normally don't hold receipts up to people's faces and make them count the number of items.... twice. *FAIL*

(If Bi-Ying is reading this - she can relate to mall girl, circa dorm room 2002. I'm soooooorry.)

Last but not least... bathing suit for the Golden Nugget H2O tank!  The halter strap is removable and the cups are padded... I am going to feel very well protected and supported.  Haha.  I've been wanting to go for years and go down that clear glass water slide that winds through a shark tank!  It's not one of those crazy, booze-laden, nasty party pools like you see on TV.  This one is much calmer, relaxed, and maybe a bit family-oriented.  The Nugget is in old Vegas on Fremont St, so a little ways away from the action... but not any less fun!  SOOOoOoOOOooOOoooo EXCITED!

Thank you to EVERYONE in advance for making these special occasions happen!

I am a lucky girl!!!