A Creative Application

I applied for a freelance writing job at LivingSocial about a month ago.  I just thought that it would have been so much fun!  Anyway, I never got the call... but my friend Dawn was interested in reading the little blurbs I created anyway.  So, here they are...

Deal #1: 
Poppy restaurant (Seattle)
$25 for $50 of Food and Drink

At Poppy on Seattle’s Capitol Hill, drop the wimpy sampler platter and make way for the Herculean “thali” – a feast of Northwest inspired morsels served in a surge of small dishes. Pay $25 for $50 worth of food and drink – discover exotic sounding foods like Yarmuth Goat Cheese Flan, Muscovy Duck Breast, and Batata Wada. But if you get cold feet, never fear – you can always swaddle yourself in the warm, fuzzy comfort of a Hazelnut Coffee Buttercrunch or a Chocolate Malt Sundae. Happy Hour is Sunday-Thursday from 5pm to 7pm, where else will you find a $3 draft beer to wash down your thali? So dust the humdrum off your skinny jeans and get this deal. Share with friends or eat it all yourself – we won’t judge.

Deal #2:
Miami Standard Spa
90-Minute 'The Standard' Massage
Regular Price: $150
Deal Price: $60

You’ve got your nose to the grindstone every day and it’s no wonder you ache everywhere. Instead of shelling out for an ergonomic grindstone, hobble over to Miami Standard Spa for some holistic healing. For $60 (regularly $150), get a 90-minute “The Standard” massage. Consult with an experienced massage therapist who will patiently interpret your every knot and kink.  This massage is the spa’s namesake but nothing is standard about it. Unless standard here means using custom therapeutic bodywork techniques to bring about a stupefying euphoria enwrapped in a miasma of hydro and aroma therapies. Then yeah, it’s pretty standard. Massage sessions are all in-room treatments to provide a private and insulated sanctuary so you can ascend to a nirvanic state of peace and awareness. Individual results may vary.
 

Drop it like it's hot...

Will and I had signed up for an introductory First Dance lesson so that we wouldn't just be weeble-wobbling around for several minutes to the boredom and snickering of many.  In terms of Good/Fair/Poor... the lesson was: FAIR.

It was great to learn good dancing posture / photo tips, advice on how to avoid tripping over the long skirt, and a couple fancy twirls, walks, and dips.  It was awful to be "instructed" by a Mean Foreign Lady for an hour. 

On Sunday, we returned for our second lesson and M.F. Lady was nowhere to be seen but there were a bunch of people dancing inside.  So we waited inside the air-conditioned studio for a bit until some girl rudely told us that they're only renting the studio for practice and don't run it.  I told her who we were waiting for and she said "I don't know who she is but there is nobody here to help you."  B*tch!!  We left and of course we receive an apologetic phone call from M.F. Lady several minutes later saying that she was "in the back making coffee."  Yeah, ok.  Whatever.

We dropped her like a hot potato and canceled the series (good thing we didn't have to pay up front) and decided to do the rest ourselves.  I burned a CD with the song looping 15 times and we choreographed the whole song in like 35 minutes.  So, we shall see how this do-it-yourself first dance will end up!

First Dance Song: The Way I Am, by Ingrid Michelson


TREASURES FROM EUROPE

On quite another note... my friend, Dawn, went on her annual European vacation and came back with goodies for me!

I asked for a Union Jack umbrella, but apparently they are much harder to come by than one might have thought.  hmmm...  So, she brought me this exquisite Bone China commemorative plate for the 100th anniversary of the Titanic!  I LOVE IT!  For those of you who may not know... I'm a little obsessed.

She also gave me this little guy from Prague - Czech him out!  He is a Golem from Jewish folklore.  He is made out of clay and if an intruder should come into my home while I sleep at night, he springs to life and pounds them to death with his giant fists.

In the event that you come to my home and find yourself being pummeled by a titanic (ha.ha.ha.) Golem, this is all you do.  Simply deactivate him by removing the aleph (א) in emet (Hebrew word etched into this chest), thus changing the inscription from 'truth' to 'death.'

Voila!!

Thank you for the unique cultural gifts, Dawn!  I shall treasure them and continue to ALWAYS find any excuse to initiate enthusiastic conversations about things that other people may not appreciate but will smile politely and nod as I steam roll them with my excitement!!

Buttocks!

$UKI DAY $PA
(will the $$ keep me from being sued for libel?)
I have a monthly membership at this little spa place a few blocks from my house.  The Boss Lady (owner? manager?) is so annoying. She pushes products and services like no tomorrow... to a point where it's insulting!  She keeps telling me I need to use a bleaching face cream to reduce my freckles because they are "sun damage" and "early aging."  I told her I don't mind my freckles and she said "You liiiiiiiiiiiiiiike them???!?!!!?!?"  Her tiny little asian eyes almost fell out of her face.  *grrrrrrrrr*

So, Minion Facial Girl is like hardcore trying to get me to buy special shampoo for asian hair... face cream... sunblock lotion... whatever.  She has also been pushing me to do the Vitamin B-12 Injection for at least 3 months now.  She was trying to work the weight loss angle but then really honed in on the fact that I have been feeling soooooo exhausted lately.  I politely declined and also kept to myself:  *well, if you would shut up and let me relax... I could be catching a catnap right now... INSTEAD, I am listening to a 50 minute product presentation while contemplating my chances of contracting Legionnaire's Disease from that grungy looking steamer that's blowing possibly deadly vapors onto my face*

I told her I didn't want to do it because it will hurt. She said it doesn't hurt.  I told her that I used to work at an animal hospital and the cats definitely thought the B-12 injections were highly uncomfortable.  She swears it doesn't hurt.  *back and forth, back and forth*

Long story short(er)... I'm lying there with a mud mask on my face and a happy, bouncy, old asian man walks in with his pleated trousers pulled up to his chest and thick spectacles over his nose - a capped syringe in one hand and a cotton ball in the other.  "Hi! I am Dr. Chan!! Don't worry... this will not hurt at all!! I've done it a thoooooousand tiiiiiiiiiimes!!"

It HURT!  He gave me a shot in my right buttocks and it was just as uncomfortable as I had imagined it to be.  I didn't want it... so I think psychologically that made it worse.  Later, I discovered that Dr. Chan is an "eye doctor" as Minion Facial Girl calls him.............. I am not suuuuuuuuuure what goes into the education of an Optometrist (I shall have to get my friend, Jennifer's, thoughts on this) but whatever medical school he attended - judging from the height of his belt and thickness of spectacles - it was at least 35 years ago.  What business does this man have sticking needles into people's buttocks!?!?!  And he does Botox injections too!

Oh.  At check-out... Boss Lady was trying to tell me what a great deal I got for the injection because they also put B-6 in there, blah blah.  I feel so violated!  And then she tried to sell me eyelash extensions - which I already bought a Groupon to do somewhere else - so then she tried to get me to do a chemical peel.  Um, no thank you, I like ALL the layers of my skin.

Since when was it ok for a spa to inject people with vitamins??  And I see these things being advertised at our local grocery store - Sprouts!  There's no regulation on this?  I know they say he's an "eye doctor" but I'm starting to feel like Dr. Chan might have the same credentials as Dr. Pepper!!! 

-_________-  FAIL

SHAKE WEIGHT!
On quite another note... I've been going to the gym whenever I have extra time after work to try and tone those arms before the wedding.  I realized that from the chest down I will look amazing because my dress & jewelry will steal the show... and from the neck up I have 2 professionals working on makeup and hair.  That leaves just my flabby arms...

You are the weakest link.  Goodbye.

Since, I am (as stated above) exhausted - and quite pressed for time nowadays - I have been just doing some exercises with light dumbbells.  No, not like: heh heh... I'm being modest "light" - I'm talking 3lbs.  Don't judge me!

My coworker sweeeeears the shake weight works.  So, I used my Bed, Bath & Beyond coupon and bought myself a shake weight.  It is every bit as silly and humiliating as one would think it is... but not NEARLY as degrading as the parodies make it seem.  Hilarious South Park video, courtesy of Nancy: http://www.noob.us/humor/south-park-shake-weight/

I will be sure to keep everyone updated... but I will most likely never upload a video of myself operating this thing... much to the disappointment of a few.  LoL

Knicks, Knacks, Knocks...

IVORY SILK ROSE PETALS: I am looking to sell these 1,998 (Bodhi destroyed 2) for $20!!

 

KNICKS
I have been busily crafting away for this wedding-o-mine.  I originally had my heart set on an artistically designed petal-path aisle runner.  It would have definitely NOT been a justifiable splurge at $150 + $150 delivery fee... it would have been nice for the photographs and the initial Oooo's and Ahhh's from all but in the end it would have been just a crazy mess of petals after I smeared it all around with my train.

So, I had sensibly opted for purchasing ivory silk rose petals online for $24 + s/h and would ask my coordinator to place 2 simple petal ribbons on either side of the aisle.  I had picked apart about 600 of the 2000 petals when we went for a final consultation with the catering manager at The Omni.  We revisited the 6th floor Palm Terrace and it was breeeeeezy!  I had to really rethink the petals idea because there is only a 1 hour turnaround time of the ceremony area while everyone is enjoying the cocktail hour on the adjoining Sail Deck.  The loose petals flying everywhere would certainly hinder the process.

So, I looked for alternative chair decorations to hang on the aisle chairs and flank the aisle so it wouldn't be so bare.  I came across a few Starfish chair decorations for $15 - $22 / item + s/h on sites like Etsy.  I just couldn't, in good conscience, pay someone such inflated amounts of money for items that I knew I could (with some creative mojo and elbow grease) theoretically make myself.



Hence, I purchased 25 yards of Tulle for $1.00, (10) dried sugar starfish for $10.65 + s/h, and a new hot glue gun for like $3.99.  And I don't think I did too shabby!  I also bought 1 bunch of fake Heather from Michael's for about $5.99, but I barely used 1/4 of it and can store it away for later crafting ideas... sound investment!  So, I made 10 chair decorations for about $25 - just about how much it would have cost me to buy ONE online!

I think that after the wedding I will start selling these wedding crafts for some side money because the profit margins are INSANE!

KNACKS
Next, I had to make "Identifiers" for the place cards to differentiate between Chicken, Salmon, and Vegetarian meals for each guest.  So far, Chicken = 60%,  Salmon = 37%,  and Vegetarian = 3%.  I found a small stamp kit of sea creatures at Michael's for about $4.00 and 3 purple inkpads for $1 each.  I will be printing the place cards once we have a final head count and I can finalize the seating arrangements and then each person will have one of these stamps next to their name.

TIME FOR THE KNOCKS
I found out that my Uncle Bob will not be attending because he can't fly long distance due to health issues.  My Aunt Rita, her husband, and my 2 cousins are not coming for health and miscellaneous/mystery reasons (??).  My Aunt Amy, her husband along with my Cousin Sam & his family are also not coming - apparently without reasons.  And my Cousin Willy may or may not be attending, depending on whether or not he will be laid off.

So, needless to say - I am bothered, annoyed, disappointed, angry, etc.  I guess I never really expected them to come in the first place.  I have not seen any of those people since I was about 10 years old anyway.  They've never been to any of my other life events - so why bother now?  It just super bugs because my mom made such a big deal over sending them their invitations according to proper Chinese traditional etiquette - and there was such family draaaaaaama about the whole thing.

Silver Lining: It cleared up some space and I get to invite a couple of friends who I will be very happy to see on the big day!!! YAY =)

Dresses and Blouses and Shoes, Oh My!

So, everyone thinks about the beaaaaaautiful wedding gown when they think about the bride... but no one knows all the hard work that goes into thinking about pre-wedding events outfits.  No one thinks about it because no one really cares... only the bride herself.  As with many other things wedding-related, I have found out.

I met with one of my bridesmaids, Mariah, at the mall to find her some white shoes... but instead... I found a cute little white dress and a sparkly top at Express!!  Teeheehee.  Now, the fact that the shirt looks longer than the dress is just an illusion because the dress is strapless, so shift it downwards like 6 to 8 inches.  I'm going to wear the sparkly sequence top with a pair of skinny black jeans and these black ankle boots with stiletto heels for Saturday night in Las Vegas!  And big hair.  MUST have big hair!

The white dress will be for Friday night Vegas festivities... which will include Fun, Food, and Flirt Lounge!  My Maid-of-Honor Extraordinaire, Jackie, promised me I will stand out in the crowd with bachelorette accessories!

I'm mostly very shy and withdraw from public attention - but I will make an exception this time.  =P

I was very sensible when it came to my shoe choice though: strappy gold glitter wedges with a low heel ratio.  The bottom is soft padded rubber with heavy duty traction.  Dude, I am a Vegas pro.  I know how to survive Day 1 to make it through Day 2.  Then I can walk around in flip flops and bandaids on Day 3 because I'll basically be trying to not succumb to the massive hangover until I make it onto the airplane.

Next, I have 2 choices for my bridal shower:
I have this super cute brilliant blue cocktail dress or a long, flowing floral dress.

Since I'm not sure what the theme is going to be for my shower, I am leaving it up to my amazing MOH to help me decide!  How very exciting!  I've never had anyone throw me a party before... so this is like the coolest thing ever!  The details are a surprise, so it's very fun to think about and just wonder!  It's even MORE fun because I don't have to plan anything. Wedding planning is a 2nd job.

In fact, now I understand why people pay wedding planners mucho moola to take care of everything.  And I understand how women turn into Bridezillas.  I have had a few close calls... I'll admit it.  I'm sorry, girl-who-sells-hair-accessories-at-the-cart-in-north-county-mall.  I normally don't hold receipts up to people's faces and make them count the number of items.... twice. *FAIL*

(If Bi-Ying is reading this - she can relate to mall girl, circa dorm room 2002. I'm soooooorry.)

Last but not least... bathing suit for the Golden Nugget H2O tank!  The halter strap is removable and the cups are padded... I am going to feel very well protected and supported.  Haha.  I've been wanting to go for years and go down that clear glass water slide that winds through a shark tank!  It's not one of those crazy, booze-laden, nasty party pools like you see on TV.  This one is much calmer, relaxed, and maybe a bit family-oriented.  The Nugget is in old Vegas on Fremont St, so a little ways away from the action... but not any less fun!  SOOOoOoOOOooOOoooo EXCITED!

Thank you to EVERYONE in advance for making these special occasions happen!

I am a lucky girl!!!