When It Rains... It Pours

I've been so busy that I haven't really had a chance to blog. I'm in Week 13 of my Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages certificate program... I'm kind of running out of steam but I started out really strong so I'm riding on a strong 90%+ grade to the end.  I've lost track of time and just didn't have the *umph* to complete assignments a couple of times.  So, I won't be finishing with an A+ or anything... but I only need a passing grade of 70% to get my certificate. I still have 3 weeks to go and a final exam, so wish me luck!

My days have been so bizarre since I started my 2:45pm - 11:30pm work schedule.  I like the fact that I get to hang out with Will every day before I go to work.  We've been having so much fun and just have a smoother relationship overall because we can communicate efficiently (i.e. talking face-to-face), instead of texting over many hours due to opposite schedules and then waiting days in between to finally see each other.  We get to eat lunch together every day... we can run errands before I go to work... we walk the dogs... we do all sorts of things!  I'm sure the normal-scheduled couples are probably like... *duh*... but those are definitely newfound gems of treasured time for us.  I think 11:30pm might be a taaaaaaad too late, so I might try for like 10:30pm end time for my next shift bid. 

Even though I love my new schedule because of the benefits, I don't think I've transitioned too gracefully.  For example, just this past week I thought it was Wednesday pretty much the ENTIRE day until about 6pm... when I finally figured it out it was, in fact, Thursday!  I had missed my 12pm deadline for my homework assignment and told all my customers the wrong delivery date (Friday when it should've been Monday). 

Luckily, it didn't affect my quality check for this month... I got another 100% WOW call!  I am soooooo happy about this because I feel it helps me look like a super strong candidate for the specialty team I just applied for.  I'm also happy because my Lead, Supervisor, and Manager all take me out to lunch whenever I get a WOW call.  So far, I've been to Hash House, Serendipity 3, Nacho Daddy... and I'm waiting to see where I'm going next week for March's WOW call.  *Eeeeeee*

Even with all the awesomeness happening, my brain was really started to get a little crazy.  I also blame the monsoon season weather - the stormy weather really sends my sinuses into a tailspin and that kind of messes up my mental powers.  The skies have cleared up a bit and it's getting warmer again, so maybe that will be the end of that weirdness.

My dad's health has also been a topic of intense scrutiny these past couple of months.  It's been difficult to try to be a translator between him and his doctor, but its my familial duty and a priority - even before work.  It sucks and I wish it wasn't happening - but I have to be there for him and have my wits about me.  So, it's been a huge load of unexpected stress but it will be fine.

On a brighter note, I'm really happy with my sessions with the personal trainer.  She has a regimen set up for me to follow and it's challenging but adjustable to my needs at the same time.  She was really understanding about the limitations that my scoliosis places on my activity level - so she made sure there's nothing high impact and added weight machines that strengthen my back muscles.  My determination to get in better shape is motivated by the need to get my PCOS under control, once and for all.  The endocrinologist said that if my hormone levels look good in 3 months, then I can experiment with stopping my medications.  PCOS put me on a hormonal, emotional, and physical rollercoaster - and I'm ready to get off.

Lastly, in the middle of all this chaos... I've discovered a new little passion.  I was thinking about this really awesome pesto that I made like a year ago.  It was pretty basic: olive oil, garlic, walnuts, spinach, and basil.  It was delicious!  And then I thought about how disproportionately expensive fresh basil is compared to all the other ingredients.  I had this brilliant thought!  Why don't I just GROW MY OWN BASIL?!  Will and I took a trip to Home Depot - I bought a little pot, organic soil, gardening gloves, a small garden trowel, and a packet of organic basil seeds!  I should see in about 8-10 days if there will be any little sprouts... ^____^

P.S. - Will really wanted to buy this lucky bamboo... mostly because his zodiac sign is a sheep.  It's working, he's won the last 3 times he played poker! YAY

Do you spy a little Bodhi in this picture?

The Emotional Vampire - Part 3

It's been a very long time, but let's finish the saga...

Those of you who were in attendance at the wedding know that it went off without a hitch.  There were some behind-the-scenes emergencies (like my first flower bouquet that committed botanical suicide) but I reveled in my day with my psychic/energetic shield in place to reflect the Emotional Vampire's emotional sabotage.

Afterwards, the euphoria of relief and relaxation took over as it was finally over. The big day had come and gone... Will and I were finally free to live our life again without it looming huge and important in front of us.  We took a mini-moon and escaped the world while we patiently waited for hurricane season to pass before going to the Bahamas at a later date - it felt glorious to take some time and get back to a state of normalcy.  No more planning or preparations.  It was awesome.

Soon after the mini-moon, October had arrived and I was becoming increasingly dissatisfied with my boss at work (see previous blog posts: Dear Department, Part I; The Perfect Dozen). I also realized that I couldn't continue my life in that fashion.  I was surrounded by negativity, I never saw my good friends for long enough or often enough but I was routinely subjected to the EV's draining negativity.  It was ceaseless and had long crossed all sensible barriers of courtesy and consideration.

In fact, in a forgotten episode of the EV drama - she had come over to visit me shortly after my jaw was unwired... or maybe it was still wired... after my mandibular osteotomy.  Even at that time she managed to spend over an hour sobbing on my couch about her insanely dissatisfying romantic relationship.  I could only respond with mumbles and scribbling on a notepad with a sharpie... I was tired, I was in pain, I was hungry and slowly recovering...

Why would she lament at a person who can only respond by scribbling on a notepad with a Sharpie??

That may have seemed like a worthwhile question at some point in my life... but as my therapist, Dr. Gene, had said: "Why ask a question you'll never find the answer to and, even if you did find the answer, does not matter?"  He is a very wise man and I am a better person because of him.

PART THREE

I was relieved to have completed the final obligation.  Yes, having her in my wedding was my obligation to her.  I began to execute a slow plan to gently phase The EV out of my life.  She freaked the *eff* out and launched into an outrageous public tail-spin.  Fail.  I had the opportunity to come clean... and, again, I wussed out.

However, unknown to her, she put the last nail in that coffin herself.  For anyone who had ever ended a friendship/relationship with anyone... there is a singular moment of razor sharp clarity in your mind when there is complete silence in your mind and the decision is made.  And there is nothing that can be said or done following that pin-drop moment that can change your mind.  In the awkward wake of her catastrophic public meltdown (where I could see the guy behind her actively trying not to laugh-out-loud) there was an excruciating lull of impotent small talk.  In response to my palpable disinterest in her update on her "best friend's" baby she said, "You hate kids but for some reason you looOooove ******'s baby.  I don't even know why.  Are you going to love my kids?"

No.
No, I'm not.
NO, because my affections cannot be manipulated by guilt or demands.
NO, because I don't like you.
NO, because we will not know each other when these theoretical children arrive.

A major development in The EV's life arose and I had a chance to make my position clear and, yet again, I wussed out.  I even sought the professional advice of my therapist on how to make it plain what my intentions and feelings are - but my courage failed and it prolonged the problem.  I should've said something to the effect of: I am trying my best not to know you anymore, therefore, I would not like to be any further involved in your life... but I just used moving to Las Vegas as my excuse.

Since I missed the chance to be flatly honest, I had to redeem myself with the fallout that would ensue.  In true Emotional Vampire fashion, she lashed out with a vengeance - over text message and email.  It was angry, it was accusatory, it called out my lame excuse for what it was - a lame excuse.

At that moment, I had a choice.  I could've retaliated with a slew of messages that pointed out her every offense and my every self-righteous reason to kick her to the curb and not be any part of the hot mess in store for the future.  To devastate her with daggered opines of her relationship, her life... her as a person.  But!  That would've just been a replay of the same exact crap from our first fallout years and years ago.  It would've dragged on and on... and who does that hurt in the end?  Myself.  I would've been in emotional turmoil for days or weeks and then at the end I would've just been stuck being "friends" with The EV, again.

So, I sat down and worked through it with pen and paper:

• Anger is seductive.
• In this situation now: is it more important to be right or to keep harmonious peace?

5 Guarantees
1) I cannot control what The EV chooses to think: I am selfish w. a lame excuse.
2) I cannot control what The EV chooses to feel: extremely hurt, offended, & entitled.
3) I cannot control what The EV chooses to do: make me aware of my offenses... OR how The EV chooses to do it: by making me feel guilty/ashamed and telling everybody.
4) If I choose to do (or think I can change) any of the 1st 3 Guarantees...
5) I will feel: inadequate, frustrated, angry, and depressed.

What I Do Have Control Over
a) What I think: she's stupid & self-serving.
b) What I feel: annoyed she's trying to draw me into the drama.
c) What I do: stay firm
d) How I choose to respond/react to what The EV does: stay calm & rational, don't get seduced (by anger)!

5 Questions
1) What do I feel about this situation? See above.
2) What do I want in this situation? Not to be involved/obligated in ANY aspect of her life.
3) What do I need in this situation? For the drama to end here.
4) What am I responsible for/control in this situation? How I react, my emotions, my commitment.
5) What do I need to do to take care of myself? Acknowledge it was the right decision. Let go of my desire to be right. Not to unleash my fury & try to hurt her to get petty revenge.

So... I stayed neutral.  I fed her no energy.  I remained polite.  I held firm.  And, eventually, it worked.  She stopped contacting me altogether.

I felt it was important to dig out the above entries in my therapy journal because... this stuff is hard!  We all have certain Emotional Vampires in our life that come in all forms and, sometimes, we have to actively get rid of them by psychically shouting: GO AWAY!  I met up with an old friend this past weekend and we both shared how liberating it was to remove bad people in our lives, to move on, and to evolve.  To open up room for more worthwhile people.

I love my friends and would happily share their hardships and burdens in life.  Friends should be there to lend each other strength and lift the other person up when they can't do it themselves.  The friendship itself should never be the burden.  I am happy with all my friendships and relationships in this part of my life's journey.

Are you? :)

Suggestopedia... presto chango!

Woah!  Talk about a long hiatus... sorry to keep *all* (more like all 2) of you hanging in suspense!  Will I finish my riveting saga on the Emotional Vampire...?  Perhaps another day.  As for right now, I am posting my first discussion response from my Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages (TESOL) Certificate Program.  My official start date was today and it will last 15 weeks... wish me luck!

SUGGESTOPEDIA

The simultaneously mysterious and pseudoscientific appearance of the term suggestopedia immediately caught my attention. Upon a quick search for more information, I came upon OneStopEnglish.com and an article on suggestopedia written by Tim Bowen. Although the exact date of the article is unknown, it seems to be contemporary and was written as reference material for those visiting their website. I understand this is a very limited view of the theory and definitely welcome greater insights into its wonders.

Georgi Lozanov was a Bulgarian educator who developed suggestopedia in the 1970s and claimed that this method would accelerate memorization by up to 25 times the rate of other conventional learning methods.  He claimed that the power of positive suggestion through a relaxed and focused state created the optimum learning environment. This learning method ascribed a parent-child relationship to the teacher and learner, with the learner solely absorbing the lessons as doled out by the teacher.

Central to the method was the presence of music. In fact, lengthy formal dialogues would be read aloud to learners to the accompaniment of music and were known as “concert readings.” Interwoven into memorable pieces of classical music, the teacher’s voice was part of the symphony and learners were expected to absorb and internalize enormous amounts of dialogue and, therefore, building blocks of language, while in a heightened sense of focus, relaxation, and receptivity. At other times, less formal readings were conducted to a less severe regimen of background music. 

There is certainly merit in creating a nurturing physical, mental, and emotional environment for learning, but the operatic suggestopedia practices may be best left in the past. Of course, music can be massively helpful to the learning process sometimes - who doesn't remember singing the 50 States song in elementary school? With that said, although there are many advertisement jingles that I will never, ever be able to remove from my memory (… where you wouldn’t have a gotten a lemon… I wouldn’t have gotten a lemon? ... at Toyota of Orange...), I will have to subscribe to the opinion of the many critics who declare suggestopedia as a method containing no apparent theory of language or learning and produced inconclusive results.

http://www.onestopenglish.com/support/methodology/teaching-approaches/teaching-approaches-what-is-suggestopedia/146499.article